I am a Transformers kid.

They were my toys.

I actually still have my six Constructicons and can transform them into Devastator in less than 30 seconds.

That understood, I genuinely believe Michael Bay (the director who launched the cinematic version of this franchise) made it his personal mission in life to try to ruin my childhood by making one horrible Transformers movie after another, each one somehow exponentially worse than the last, which should be mathematically impossible since the second one was so bad (so was the first one, but flames or not it was the first time I got to see a live-action Optimus Prime transform so it gets a pass despite Michael Bay’s blatant disregard for continuity, Shia LaBeouf’s grossness and Megan Fox’s vile overuse of baby oil).  Aside from making these machines look cool, the ONLY thing this franchise has EVER done right is retain Peter Cullen as the voice of Prime. That is, until “Bumblebee.”

On one hand, the movie fell short on delivering on its promise of giving me my favorite characters in their 1980’s glory (there were glimpses and it was AMAZING but these scenes only took up maybe ten minutes tops). However, this not insignificant complaint aside, the movie held the perfect balance with Bumblebee and his human counterparts and actually was more reminiscent E.T. than any prior Michael Bay installment/travesty.

Bee was never my favorite Transformer, but he turned out to be the perfect vehicle to roll out this reboot (multiple puns intended). And though brief, I did get to see (and more importantly, hear) Soundwave eject Ravage AND got to watch Shockwave be awesome for about 1.5 seconds of screen time, so those things alone would have made the entire movie worthwhile for me.

I have a long memory and I’ll never pardon Michael Bay’s transgressions, but this movie was so good that it has earned the franchise a second chance from my cold, unforgiving heart. Still, I’ll never forget…